Argument Topic

The United States government needs to make a nation wide law rising the minimum driving age to eighteen years of age.

Review: Template B

I will be writing my review paper on Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches. The first main aspect of Jimmy John’s that I will be reviewing is their delivery service. The Jimmy John’s I am reviewing is the one located on the University of Central Florida’s main campus next to the arena. Because it is on campus many students who live on campus can call or go online to place their order. A Jimmy John’s employee will then deliver the sandwich on bike, skateboard, car, or however they feel is necessary to get your food as fast as possible. The next thing that I will be reviewing from Jimmy John’s Gourmet sandwiches is their food quality. Jimmy John’s makes its own homemade bread each and every day. They also use fresh vegetables, and do not put preservatives in any of their food. Jimmy John’s also does not buy pre-sliced sandwich meat and they buy, in their opinion the best, but also the most expensive Real Hellmann’s mayonnaise. The third thing I will be reviewing about Jimmy John’s Gourmet sandwiches are their prices. I will compare their prices to other sandwich and sub restaurants. The last thing I will review about Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches is their customer involvement. Jimmy John’s has a facebook, youtube, and twitter account in which people can join or become a part of. They also, as mentioned before, have become up to date with today’s technology and allow online purchases. All in all, these are the things I will be reviewing about Jimmy john’s Gourmet sandwiches.

Review: Template A

I will be writing my review assignment on the restaurant: Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches. The specific Jimmy John’s that I am focusing on is the one within the University of Central Florida main campus. It is located next to the UCF arena on East Plaza Drive. As you have read above, Jimmy John’s is a sandwich restaurant. Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches is considered to be a “fast food” restaurant. Therefore, what is its audience? Jimmy John’s target market is really anyone that is hungry. It can be for kids, teens, young adults, adults, and even for the elderly. Because Jimmy John’s is a sandwich place its audience could also be people in a hurry, or people with minimal amounts of money to spend. However, because the Jimmy John’s I am reviewing happens to be on the University of Central Florida campus, its main audience is college students and college staff. With the majority of Jimmy John’s customers being students, many things are important to keep them up and running. First off, Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches delivers its food. People can call or go online to place an order and a JJ (Jimmy John’s) employee will deliver it. The slogan for this restaurant is “Freaky Fast! Freaky Good!” From this catching phrase you can see that getting customers their food as fast and as easy as possible is what they strive to do. Jimmy John’s also values relatively low prices. They have lower prices because they understand that college students and professors for that matter do not have lots of money to be spending on food. If their prices are low then the students will still be able to afford their delicious homemade subs. Furthermore, JJ also values fresh food. They promise that their food is not delivered pre-sliced, and they do not use preservatives. Their food is cut and sliced each and every day. Jimmy John’s is also up to date with the college lifestyle. In order to advertise itself, Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches has facebook, twitter, and youtube accounts. Many college students can become fans and represent JJ by going on these sites. Jimmy John’s does however have many rivals. Sandwiches are served in many different restaurants and locations. The University of Central Florida has many sub places like Subway, Pitapit, and its two dining halls that have sandwich stations. Because of these rival places, in order to keep up Jimmy John’s really has to serve good food and have reasonably close prices. Prices change so places can attract more customers so Jimmy John’s always has to be ready for change. Coupons or specials help, but prices are the main threat with the stingy college lifestyle. All in all, Jimmy John’s Gourmet Sandwiches main benefit is its delivery service. It is the only sandwich place that delivers on the Central Florida campus. JJ delivers seven days a week in all types of weather conditions.

Review Topic

I will be reviewing the restaurant Jimmy John's located within the University of Central campus next to the arena. I will be using a five "sandwich" rating system, that being one sandwich as the lowest score and five sandwiches as the best score.

Commentary: Final Draft

Walking through the University of Central Florida’s main campus has become a complete disaster. Mobs of people are squished elbow to elbow, gasping for air and worrying about being late for their upcoming class. Then you hear wheels turning and the sound is getting closer and closer. The sidewalk soon splits and someone on a bike or skateboard roars through. Every time this happens I become furious and wish they would not ride where people are walking. Many people feel the same way, like freshman Samantha Salerno, who said, “I get mad and irritated because I always have to be watching out for people riding.” With over fifty three thousand students attending UCF and its satellite campuses, according to the University of Central Florida website, many people like me and Salerno are constantly on the lookout for rolling objects. In fact, when I go to class I have always been able to count at least ten people on bikes and skateboards. This has been the case from day one of the 2009 fall semester. According to Vanessa Fernandez of the Central Florida Future, however, skateboarding has been an issue at UCF ever since 2005. Skaters claim that riding on campus is twice as fast as walking, but with quickness there are many drawbacks as well. The University of Central Florida needs to ban, or at least alter, the skateboarding, longboarding, biking, scootering and other riding polices on campus. Such measures will increase campus safety, lower the stress of walking pedestrians, and even help students better socialize with one another.

Safety is the most important reason UCF needs to crack down on non-walking personal transportation methods. Christine Harper of the Central Florida Future reported that skateboards alone cause about twenty-six thousand people to visit the emergency room per year, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission. These trips to the hospital include broken bones, concussions and open wounds in need of sewing up. This statistic does not, however, show how many people are injured and fail to go to the emergency room. Many students and skaters get bumps, bruises, and abrasions each and every day. I, for one, am a perfect example. I have been involved in three transportation related accidents. The first incident was when a skateboarder ran over the end of my foot. I escaped with a black scuff mark on my new Nike shoe, but the skater wasn’t as fortunate— he fell off his board and scraped up his right arm. The next accident I was involved in was when a bicyclist swerved into my back. Fortunately my backpack was crammed with calculus books so all I experienced was whiplash, but the crash was uncalled for and angered me. The last incident involved a longboarder and the back of my ankle. A shaggy-haired kid was riding and texting on his phone when he rudely hit the back of my leg. Pain shot through my body and I looked down to see a bleeding left leg. I had a deep cut on my ankle but did not need stitches. Aside from my personal experiences, I have also seen countless others involved in collisions. A more serious wreck involved a longboarder trying to dodge someone on the sidewalk next to the Nicholson School of Communications building. The longboarder tried to ramp off of the sidewalk to the street but he lost his balance and fell into the middle of the road. Luckily no cars were coming, but the student still broke his wrist as he tried to catch himself from the road. Many dangerous accidents like this have taken place thus far and they will only continue until new policies are implemented on University of Central Florida’s main campus.

While just about all walkers on the Central Florida campus think things need to change with people and their personal rides, most riders feel things are fine the way it is. Freshman skate and longboarder Steve Schimcat says he boards to class because it is quick and he enjoys the adrenaline rush. “I have been skateboarding all my life, and I am so glad I get to ride on campus.” Schimcat also says that riding allows him to free his mind and enjoy himself without leaving campus. When asked about the safety hazards bikers and skaters pose to themselves and others Steve said, “I ride with caution and try to notify people where I’m going in order to prevent accidents.” He also said he reduces his speed around crowds of people and he never rides while using electronic devices. Steve may say he does not use his cell phone or listen to his iPod while riding, but others are not as courteous or cautious. Accidents are common without distractions, but these electric toys make them even more evident. Electronic devices take away one or more of your senses and a lot of your attention. MP3 players take away one’s ability to hear. Student riders need to be able to hear cars coming, people walking and talking, and other individuals riding their vehicles. Vision is also reduced when using phones and music devices because skaters are peering into their hands and not scanning the road for people and obstacles up ahead.

Although people who ride bikes, boards, and scooters do not think restrictions should be created, something or some things do need to be changed. If nothing changes injuries will continue to occur and pedestrians will only get more aggravated. The best solution I have for the riding issue is to partially ban personal methods of transportation. I believe riding should be permitted on and outside of Gemini Boulevard only. Gemini circles the middle and most frequented part of campus. This area includes the academic buildings, student union and many dorm facilities. Skaters, bikers and scooterists should not have a problem walking within the limits of Gemini. Buildings are packed close together and riding is difficult there anyway. If students do have a problem it is because of pure laziness. I live just inside Gemini in the Lake Claire Apartments and it takes me, at most, fifteen minutes to get to all of my classes and other destinations located within Gemini’s boundaries. Fifteen minutes of walking is not too much to ask, especially if it helps the well-being of student and school staff safety.

All in all, the University of Central Florida definitely has a problem with the amount of bikes, scooters, skateboards, and longboards students ride on campus. If UCF were to use my idea—only allowing riding on and outside of Gemini Boulevard— many things would change for the better. Just imagine walkers being able to walk in peace. No tensing up every time wheels turn around them. Sidewalks will not be used as highways, just as walkways. I can see myself now: smiling on my way to class, not pent up with tension ready to yell at the next discourteous rider. Students will be able to walk side by side and hold steady conversations without having someone whiz in-between them. Bloody arms, knees and sidewalks will be a moment of the past. The University of Central Florida will be beautiful once and for all.

Commentary: Rough Draft

Walking through the University of Central Florida’s main campus has become a complete disaster. Over fifty three thousand students attend UCF and its satellite campuses, according to the University of Central Florida website, and it seems like everyone is out and about in the middle of the day. Mobs of people are squished elbow to elbow, gasping for air and worrying about being late for their upcoming class. Then you hear wheels turning and the sound is getting closer and closer. The sidewalk soon splits and someone on a bike or skateboard roars through. Every time this happens I become furious and wish they would not ride where people are walking. Many people feel the same way, like freshman, Samantha Salerno, who said, “I get mad and irritated because I always have to be watching out for people riding.” The “people” Salerno refers to is not a small amount either. In fact, when I go to class I have always been able to count at least ten people on bikes and skateboards. This has been the case from day one of the 2009 fall semester. But, skateboarding has been an issue at UCF ever since 2005 according to Vanessa Fernandez of the Central Florida Future. Skaters claim that riding on campus is twice as fast as walking, but there are many drawbacks with them as well. The University of Central Florida needs to fix the skateboarding, long boarding, biking, scootering, and other riding problems on campus because it will increase the safety, lower the stress of walking pedestrians, and even help students socialize with one another.

Safety is the most important reason UCF needs to crack down on non walking personal transportation methods. Christine Harper from the Central Florida Future reported that skateboards alone cause about twenty-six thousand people to visit the emergency room per year, according to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission. These trips to the hospital include broken bones, concussions and open wounds in need of sewing up. This statistic does not, however, show how many people are injured and do not go to the emergency room. Many students and skaters get bumps, bruises, and abrasions each and every day. I, for one, am a perfect example. I have been involved in three transportation related accidents. The first incident was when a skateboarder ran over the end of my new white Nike shoe. Not such a big deal for me, but he fell off his board and scraped up his right arm. The next accident I was involved in was when a bicyclist swerved into my back. Luckily my backpack was packed with calculus books so all I experienced was whiplash, but it still angered me. The last crash involved a long boarder and the back of my ankle. A shaggy-haired kid was riding and texting on his phone when he rudely hit the back of my leg. Pain shot through my body and I looked down to see a bleeding left leg. I had a deep cut on my ankle, but did not need stitches. I have also seen countless others involved in collisions. A more serious wreck involved a long-boarder trying to dodge someone on the sidewalk next to the communications building. The long boarder tried to ramp off of the sidewalk to the street, but he lost his balance and feel into the middle of the road. Luckily no cars were coming, but the student still broke his wrist as he tried to catch himself from the road. Many dangerous accidents like this have taken place thus far and they will only continue until things change on the University of Central Florida Campus.

While just about all walkers on the Central Florida campus think things need to change with people and their personal rides, most riders feel things are fine the way it is. Freshman skate and long boarder Steve Schimcat says he boards to class because it is quicker and it is what he loves to do. “I have been skateboarding all my life, and I am so glad I get to ride on campus.” Schimcat also says riding allows him to free his mind and enjoy himself without leaving campus. When asked about the safety hazard bikers and skaters cause themselves and others Steve said, “I ride with caution and try to notify people where I’m going to prevent accidents.” He also said he reduces his speed around crowds of people, and he never rides while using electronic devices. Steve may say he does not use his cell phone or listen to his IPod while riding, but others do. Accidents are common without distractions, but with these electric toys, they are even more evident. Electronic devices take away one or more of your senses and a lot of your attention. MP3 players take away people’s ability to hear. Student riders need to be able to hear cars coming, people walking and talking, and other individuals riding their vehicles.

Although people who ride bikes, skateboards, long boards, and scooters do not think anything should be done, something or things do need to be changed. If nothing changes injuries will continue to occur and pedestrians will only get more aggravated. The best solution I have for the riding issue is to partially ban it. I think riding should be permitted on and outside of Gemini Boulevard only. Gemini circles the middle and most used part of campus. Inside the circle includes the academic buildings, student union, and many dorm facilities. Skaters, bikers, and scooterers should not have a problem walking within Gemini. Buildings are packed close together, and riding is difficult there anyway. If students do have a problem it is because of pure laziness. I live just inside Gemini in the Lake Claire Apartments and it takes me, at most, fifteen minutes to get to all of my classes and other destinations in the middle of campus. Fifteen minutes is not too much to ask, especially if it helps the well being of students safety.

All in all, the University of Central Florida definitely has a problem with the amount of bikes, scooters, skateboards, and long boards students ride on campus. If UCF were to use my idea and only allow riding on and outside of Gemini road many things would change for the better. Just imagine walkers being able to walk in peace. No tensing up every time wheels turn around them. Sidewalks will not be used as highways, just as walkways. I can see myself now, smiling on my way to class, not fierce as I wait to yell at the next rude rider. Students will be able to walk side by side and hold steady conversations without having someone wiz through them. Bloody arms, knees, and sidewalks will be a thing in the past. UCF will be beautiful once and for all.

Commentary Thesis Paragraph

Walking through the University of Central Florida’s main campus has become a complete disaster. Over fifty thousand people attend UCF and it seems like everyone is out and about in the middle of the day. Mobs of people are squished elbow to elbow, gasping for air and worrying about being late for their upcoming class. Then you hear wheels turning and the sound is getting closer and closer. The sidewalk soon splits and someone on a bike or skateboard roars through. Every time this happens I become furious and wish they would not ride where people are walking. Many people feel the same way, like freshman, Sam, who said, “I get mad and irritated because I always have to be watching out for people riding.” The “people” Sam refers to is not a small amount either. In fact, when I go to class I have always been able to count at least ten people on bikes and skateboards. This has been the case from day one of the 2009 fall semester. But, skateboarding has been an issue at UCF ever since 2005 according to Vanessa Fernandez of the Central Florida Future. Skaters claim that riding on campus is twice as fast as walking, but there are many drawbacks with them as well. The University of Central Florida needs to fix the skateboarding, long boarding, biking, scootering, and other riding problems on campus because it will increase the safety, lower the stress of people, and even help students socialize with one another.

Commentary Outline

I. Introduction

1. Explain the trend that I have noticed here at UCF (Personal Transportation Problem).
2. Tell how long it has been a problem.
3. Bring in some of my interview questions to see what other students at UCF think about the bike, skateboard, and scooter problem.
4. Thesis Statement:

a. The University of Central Florida needs to fix the skateboarding, long boarding, biking, scootering, and other riding problems on campus because it will increase the safety, lower the stress of people, and even help the laziness problem with students in college.

II. Body Paragraph (Injuries)

1. Explain the accidents I have witnessed and encoutered myself.
2. Explain the accidents the person I interviewed has encountered or seen.
3. Find out if UCF has had any reported large injuries, like if the paramedics were involved.

III. Body Paragraph (Skaters or bikers viewpoints)

1. Bring in an interview of a skateboarder (my roomate)
2. Find out why people ride on campus instead of walk.

IV. Body Paragraph (Possible solutions/my opinion)

1. UCF may need to ban the use of skateboards, bikes, and scooters on campus.
2. Explain that I think people ride because of pure laziness.
3. Include imagery of what the capus would be like without people riding through it.

V. Conclusion

1. Reintroduce thesis.
2. Final opinion about the trend or issue.

Commentary Letter

To Matt,

I am writing to you about an issue I am encountering at the University of Central Florida. My campus is very large, but the buildings are fairly close to one another so I walk to and from class. It seems, however, that I am just about the only one who walks while many others ride skateboards, bikes, and scooters. Well many others do walk, being that there is over fifty-two thousand students here at UCF, but quite a bit of people ride their personal transportation vehicles on and through campus. Because there are so many people on our Orlando campus crowds of people fill the sidewalks, walkways, streets, parking lots, and definitely the center of the university. It feels like I am always bumping into someone else, breathing in their air, and it even feels like I am not moving after a while. But, with the people that ride their bikes, skateboards, long boards, and scooters, things get even worse. Students who ride their two to four wheeled personal vehicles try to squeeze their way through the mobs of people at high speeds. This gets me incredibly angry. The skaters and bikers think, for some strange reason, that they have the right of way over walkers. They roll straight at you and expect you to move out of their way so they can continue on their nice ride. This is not fair to the walkers because we have to go out of our way to try to avoid the maniacs on their toys. Walking on campus should be a relaxing experience, maybe thinking about your previous or upcoming class, enjoying the scenery, talking to your friends, but instead it is a nightmare. I am a nervous wreck while strolling through campus. My head is always on a swivel for people on their wheels, ears concentrated on the sounds of skateboards, and my mind thinking of a different route I can take to class. Sometimes I just walk through the grass because I know only bikers can hit me there. Yes, I said hit me. I have been hit three times this semester, twice by skateboarders and once by a bicyclist. I was injured in one of those, but others are injured daily. Skateboarders have trouble trying to stop quickly, therefore, most of the time they run into someone or something. In one outside hallway UCF has banned the use of skateboards, bikes, and scooters and quite frankly I enjoy walking through that part of the school the best. Because things are so much better in that part of the school I wonder why the school board has not banned them completely from campus. Like I mentioned earlier, the school is tightly compact so walking from building to building is definitely possible. I personally think people ride their vehicles because of sure laziness. I walk everyday and the furthest class I have takes no longer than fifteen minutes to reach and everyone can walk for fifteen minutes. All in all, I think UCF should ban skateboards, long boards, bikes, scooters, and whatever else students ride because it will increase the safety on campus, lower the stress of people, and even help the obesity problem in college. What do you think Matt? Do you have the same problem at the University of Florida? Let me know.

From, Chris

Commentary Questions

Topic: Personal Transportation on Campus

1. Why do people ride their bikes, skateboards, and scooters on campus?

• It is a faster way to get to class.

2. How long has the personal transportation situation been a problem?

• As long as I have been here at least.

3. What sort of injuries have people gotten as a result of the riders on campus?

• I have never been hit but have had many close calls, but I have seen many other people get ran into.

4. Has there been an attempt to ban bikes, skateboards, and scooters on campus?

• I do not know the answer to that question.

5. Do other walkers (you) have a problem with people riding on campus?

• Yes, I have a problem with the amount of riders on campus, but I do not know if it would be right to ban it.

Interview Questions:

1. How do you know what you know? (evidence)

• I have witnessed people getting hit by bikers and skateboarders.

2. Who are you to the subject? (perspective)

• A student that has to dodge riders when walking through campus.

3. How is this event connected to other events? (patterns or opposing forces)

• It gets me mad and irritated because I always have to be watching out for people riding.

4. What if things were different? (suppositions/predictions)

• Banning people from riding their bikes, skateboards, and scooters would make it easier and more peaceful when walking through campus.

5. Why is this important? (significance)

• Because people are really bothered by riders, and it causes injuries.

Commentary Template

Personal Transportation

Walking through the University of Central Florida’s main campus has become a complete disaster. Over fifty thousand people attend UCF and it seems like everyone is out in the middle of the day. Mobs of people are squished elbow to elbow, gasping for air and worrying about being late for their upcoming class. Then you hear wheels turning and the sound is getting closer and closer. The sidewalk soon splits and someone on a bike or skateboard roars through. Every time this happens I become furious and wonder why people move for them. The answer is because the idiots on their personal transportation vehicles will not stop. I have been hit or clipped three times now by people riding through campus. The first incident was when a skateboarder ran over the end of my new white Nike shoe. The next “accident” I was involved in was when a bicyclist swerved into my back. Luckily my backpack was packed with calculus books so I did not get injured, but it still angered me. The last crash involved a long boarder and the back of my ankle. A shaggy-haired kid was riding and texting on his phone when he rudely hit the back of my leg. Pain shot through my body and I looked down to see a bleeding left leg. Profanity filled the air and all I got was a, “My bad, bro. You straight?” That did it for me. All personal forms of transportation should be banned from the University of Central Florida. Banning skateboards, long boards, bikes, scooters, and whatever else students ride will increase the safety on campus, lower the stress of people, and even help the obesity problem in college.

Commentary Brainstorm

Brainstorm three (3) phenomena observed or encountered on campus for your commentary’s subject.

1. I could write my commentary on the amount of people that smoke on campus.

2. My commentary could be about banning the peronal transportation methods on campus (bikes, skateboards, and scooters).

3. I could also write about the parking situation on campus.

Memoir Final Draft

My Parents’ Divorce

It was a winter night in December, and my brothers and I were upstairs in our rooms. We lived at the top of a big hill: 3507 Vintage Trail in a neighborhood called The Fairways. This was a three-story house, including the basement, in suburban Atlanta, Georgia. I had lived my entire life in that house and, in my fifth grade mind, I had no plans on leaving. That was until my parents hollered for us to meet them downstairs. My brothers and I were just little kids anxiously waiting for Christmas to come, and hoping school would never start again. Once we heard the yelling of our parents, my twin brother, Nick, younger brother, Alex, and I took off running. Everything was a race between us, whether it was finishing dinner, doing our homework, or just sprinting down the staircase; we were always competing. I went down the first five carpet steps, took a hard right turn, down the next twenty or so, took the last right turn, and leaped for the ground, skipping the last few steps. I had won the race, like normal, and turned to point and laugh at my brothers still flying down the stairs. But when I turned around and saw my mom and dad at opposite ends of the fireplace telling us to sit between them, I knew something was wrong. My mom looked sad, and my dad, in his Christmas-like red button down long-sleeved shirt, hugged Alex. The fire burned behind our backs, and I was nervous and scared to find out what was going on. My mom then turned to us and told us that she was going to divorce my father. When I heard those words, I could not look up any longer. I fixed my eyes on my chocolate lab, Coco, and realized what just happened. My mom went on to tell us that she was going to take me and my brothers with her to live in her hometown of Tampa, Florida, but assured us “everything was going to be alright.” My life just took a dive, and I knew everything was not going to be alright; I was leaving my dad, friends, house, and everything else. Moving to Florida was going to be emotional and stressful but, in the end, a learning experience.

Moments after my mom spilled the terrible news, my brothers and I were excused from the “family meeting” and we went back upstairs. This time, however, there was no racing. Once upstairs, Alex and I met Nick in his room because it was in the middle. We all gathered on Nick’s big green bed and cried together. “I can’t believe what just happened,” Nick said, “What are we going to do Chris?” “I don’t know,” I replied. Nick, still with tears in his large brown eyes, went on to say, “What if I do not want to leave dad, or at least Georgia? I want to stay here with all of my friends.” “Me too Nick, I would love to stay here, but we can’t because mom and dad don’t love one another anymore,” I said. Nick angrily replied, “But mom never told us why she decided to divorce dad and she never said she did not love him!” “Nick,” I said, “I know this is extremely hard on us, but there is nothing we can do. We are moving to Florida whether we like it or not.”

The summer before sixth grade was when my family —without my father— moved to Florida. It was a couple weeks before middle school started and I was in a foreign place; I knew my two little brothers and that was it. School came sooner than I expected, or wanted, I cannot remember. Days went by but things were not going well. It was painful seeing other kids with their longtime friends always laughing in the hallway, eating together at lunch, and chatting at their desks before class started. Talking to my dad over the phone each day was painful because I just wanted to be there with him. I remember one of the hardest things was not having my dad hug me and wish me goodnight. Some people may think that such an act is small, but it was my bedtime ritual and suddenly it was gone. Sometimes I cried simply because I missed my old life, but I made sure nobody found out. I did not want anyone, especially my mom, to know the difficulty I had in making the transition to Florida and a new life.

Living in Florida was hard enough, but I was faced with a bigger challenge: being the man of the house. Since I was the oldest sibling, I considered it my duty to help around the house — cleaning, vacuuming, washing dishes, folding laundry, anything that I could possibly do to help my mother. While my brothers played video games, watched television, and went outside, I was doing chores. Don’t get me wrong, I made time to do the fun things like watch television and play games, but I was not able enjoy myself as much as Nick and Alex.

Baseball season started a few weeks into the school year and there was nothing that was going to deter me from playing. Baseball had always been a key part of my life. I had played every year since I was three years old, and I refused to let that change just because I moved to Florida. Tryouts were finally here; I stepped up to the white plate, dug my feet into the hard, brown dirt, and swung away. The batter’s box was my comfort zone. All of my struggles and worries about living in Florida seemed to vanish while on the field. I performed my best and it paid off. Suddenly other kids started to talk to me and it made me feel as if I was not invisible after all. The next day in science class I saw one of the kids that was at tryouts with me. He was a huge kid who hit many home runs the day before. His name was Stephen, and I decided to man up and go sit next to him. We talked about tryouts and got to know each other. The next day Stephen asked me to sit next to him and from that point on we were best friends.

Today I spend most of my time sandwiched between two bare Lake Claire dorm walls. I look around and see my Dell computer, a wooden desk, a Sony television, and the ever comfortable twin extra long bed. My shirts are wrinkled, my room is dirty, my face is scruffy. I am free. I am free to live my own life, but the divorce still has its effects me. Both my mom and dad are still single, and they have been apart coming up on seven years. I still wonder, “Why did they divorce to begin with? Maybe they still love one another, and that is why neither has found another wife or husband.” These thoughts are always in the back of my mind, but I have learned to ignore them. Instead, I have moved on, thinking of the whole experience as something positive. Having heard the expression “Everything happens for a reason” countless times in my life, I have finally applied it. If it weren’t for the divorce and move to Florida I would not have challenged myself. I had to grow up, make new friends, and learn to deal with difficult situations. I have become a better man. I am now an independent, smart, and responsible young adult because I was “the man of the house” after the divorce. I believe the divorce experience is helping me in college — I have already gone through meeting new people and caring for myself, so the transition is not alien to me. I have been away from my dad for some time, so I know how to cope with missing and being away from my mom. My parents’ divorce has shown me how I want to live my life when I become a parent. I want to be there for my children; I do not want them to endure what I had to endure — to experience the heartache of being separated from a parent. Above all, the divorce has shown me that when one is faced with a life-altering experience he can either choose to grudgingly accept it, or take it as a challenge and rise above it.

Memoir - Rough Draft

My Parents Divorce

It was a winter night sometime in December, and my brothers and I were upstairs. We lived at the top of a big hill, 3507 Vintage Trail was the address, in a neighborhood called: The Fairways. This was a three-story house, including the basement, in suburban Atlanta, Georgia. I had lived my entire life in that house, and in my fifth grade mind, I had no plans on leaving. That is until my parents hollered for us to meet them downstairs. My brothers and I were just little kids, anxiously waiting for Christmas to come, and hoping school would never start again. Once we heard the yelling of our parents, my twin brother, Nick, and younger brother, Alex, took off. Everything was a race between my brothers and me, weather it was finishing dinner, doing our homework, or just going down the staircase, we were battling. I went down the first five carpet steps, took a hard right turn, down the next twenty or so, took the last right turn, and leaped for the ground, skipping the last few steps. I had won the race, like normal, and turned to point and laugh at my brothers still flying down the stairs. But when I turned around and saw my mom and dad at opposite ends of the fireplace telling us to sit between them, I knew something was wrong. My mom looked sad, and my dad, with his Christmas-like red button down long-sleeved shirt, hugged Alex. The fire burned behind our backs, and I was nervous and scared to find out what was going on. My mom then turned to us and told us that she was going to divorce my father. When I heard these words, I could not look up any longer. I fixed my eyes on my chocolate lab, Coco, and realized what just happened. My mom went on to tell us that she was going to take my brothers and I with her to live in her hometown, Tampa, Florida, but assured us “everything was going to be alright.” My life just took a dive, and I knew everything was not going to be alright. I was leaving my dad, my friends, house, everything, and it was extremely tough. Soon thereafter, my brothers and I were excused from the “family meeting” and we went back upstairs. This time, however, there was no racing. Once upstairs, Alex and I met Nick in his room because it was in the middle. We all gathered on Nick’s big green bed and cried together.

“I can’t what just happened” Nick said. “What are we going to do Chris?” “I don’t know.” I replied. Nick, still with tears in his big brown eyes, went on to say, “Would if I do not want to leave dad, or at least Georgia? I want to stay here with all of my friends.” “Me too Nick, I would love to stay here, but we can’t because mom and dad don’t love one another anymore.” I said. Nick replied, with anger, by saying, “But mom never told us why she decided to divorce dad, nor did she ever say she did not love him!” “Nick,” I said, “I know this is extremely hard on us, but there is nothing we can do. We are moving to Florida whether we like it or not.”

The summer before my sixth grade was when my family, without my father, moved to Florida. It was a couple weeks before middle school started, and I was in a foreign place. I knew my two little brothers and that was about it. School came sooner than I expected and or wanted, I cannot remember. Days went by but things were not going well. It was painful seeing other kids with their longtime friends in the hallway, eating at those nasty circular lunch tables, and in desks throughout my different classrooms. It was also painful talking to my dad over the phone each day because I just wanted to be there with him. I remember one of the hardest things was not having my dad hug and wish me goodnight. Some people think that’s something small, but it was a big deal because I had it the first twelve years of my life. Sometimes I cried, just because I missed my old life, but I made sure nobody would find out. I did not anyone to know, especially my mom, that it was really difficult trying to make the transition to Florida.

Living in Florida was hard alone, but I was also faced with a bigger challenge. Because I was the oldest sibling, I considered myself as the man of the house. My mom could not possibly do everything by herself, so I felt like it was my job to help. While my brothers played video games, watched television, and did their homework, I was doing chores around the house. Cleaning dishes, washing clothes, vacuuming, you name it, and I knew how to do it in sixth grade. Don’t get me wrong, I made time to do the fun things like watch TV and play games, but I was not able to as much as Nick and Alex.

Most of my free time ended up getting spent on sports a few weeks into the young school year. It was baseball season, and there was no way I was not going to play. Baseball had been a key part of my life. I had played every year since I was three years old, and the one thing that was not going to change because of my move to Florida was going to be baseball. Tryouts were finally here; I stepped up to the white plate, dug my feet into the hard, brown dirt, and swung away. The batter’s box was my comfort zone. All of my struggles and worries about living in Florida seemed to vanish while on the field. I performed my best, and boy did it pay off. Suddenly other kids started to talk to me, and it made me feel as if I was not invisible after all. The next day, in science class, I saw one of the kids that were at tryouts with me. He was a huge kid who hit many home runs the day before. Stephen was his name, and I decided to man up and go sit next to him. We talked about tryouts, and got to know each other. The next day Stephen asked me to sit next to him and from that point on, I had a best friend.

Looking back on my parents’ divorce is still hard. I never knew exactly why my mom wanted to leave my dad in the first place. Both my mom and dad met new people later on, after the splitting. My dad ended up remarrying someone, but that was a huge mistake. My father got a divorce from his new wife, and now he is single again. My mom, on the other hand, was in a relationship for many years. My mother was never happy with her new man, and she just recently broke up with him. So, why does this involve me? I am just hurt and confused as to why my mom and dad ever split up because neither has found happiness. They always seemed happy with one another, as far as I can remember, and of course my brothers and I were happy in Atlanta. But, now I realize everything is for a reason. If it was not for the move to Florida, I would not have challenged myself. I was forced to grow up, make new friends, and learn to deal with difficult situations. I believe I have become a better man since the divorce, and it is helping me in college. I have already gone through meeting new people, and caring for myself, so the transition is not hurting me as much. I have been away from my dad for some time, so I know how to cope with missing my mom. I have an advantage over many other people because I encountered a life altering event as a child, and that event was the divorce of my mother, Tina, and father, Dave.

Memo

To: Ms. Moody
From: Chris Villani
9/15/09 6:33 pm

The peer review I received from Chris Burkhart was extremely helpful. I was glad to hear that the introduction engaged the reader; therefore, I will not have to worry about trying to make the writing catchier. It was also relieving to see that my reader thought the main point of my memoir was the divorce of my parents. This was good to know because the divorce was, in fact, the main idea I was trying to convey. My reader did not, however, notice the exposition in my introduction. Rereading my introduction, I see that I need to add some background information. I am going to include the fact that I had lived in the same Atlanta household all of my life as the exposition in my memoir. If I include that, the reader would be able to see why moving away was going to be so hard for me. Furthermore, hearing that the introduction contained lots of detail and I was not redundant was encouraging. In previous English classes and essays, I have been told that my work usually lacks detail and feels repetitive. Because of my tendencies, I will stress to use different word selection and include detail when necessary.

The last questions from the peer review were helpful for the rest of my memoir. The person who reviewed my introduction was asked to tell me where I need more detail, and his suggestion for improvement. Both of these questions were answered similarly. I was told to include more detail at the conflict, or detail about the divorce. Detail about the struggles I faced because of the divorce is going to be key points in the body paragraphs of my memoir. I will include specific situations I remember from the divorce, and I will also write about the splitting as I look back on it today.

Overall, this peer review was extremely helpful. Looking at the comments has helped me further understand what I am trying to accomplish with the memoir. I will try to fix everything that my reader thinks needs improvement, and I will include lots of detail.

Intro Draft

My Parents Divorce

It was a winter night sometime in December, and my brothers and I were upstairs. My brothers and I were little elementary school kids, anxiously waiting for Christmas to come, and hoping school would never start again. Then we heard our parents holler for us to come downstairs. My twin brother, Nick, younger brother, Alex, and I took off. Everything was a race between my brothers and me, weather it was finishing dinner, doing our homework, or just going down the staircase, we were battling. I went down the first five carpet steps, took a hard right turn, down the next twenty or so steps, took the last right turn, and leaped for the ground, skipping the last few steps. I had won the race, like normal, and turned to point and laugh at my brothers still flying down the stairs. But when I turned around and saw my mom and dad at opposite ends of the fireplace telling us to sit between them, I knew something was wrong. My mom looked sad, and my dad, with his Christmas-like red button down long-sleeved shirt, hugged Alex. The fire burned behind our backs, and I was nervous and scared to find out what was going on. My mom then turned to us and told us that she was going to divorce my father. When I heard these words, I could not look up any longer. I fixed my eyes on my chocolate lab, Coco, and realized what just happened. My mom went on to tell us that she was going to take my brothers and I with her to live in her hometown, Tampa, Florida, but assured us “everything was going to be alright.” My life just took a dive, and I knew everything was not going to be alright. I was leaving my dad, my friends, everything, and it was extremely tough. Soon thereafter, my brothers and I were excused from the “family meeting” and we went back upstairs. This time, however, there was no racing. Once upstairs, Alex and I met Nick in his room where we gathered on his big green bed and cried together.


I was hoping to accomplish attractiveness with this introduction. I hope the reader will find the writing catchy, and make him or her want to keep reading. I also included lots of detail so the reader could get a feel for the setting, characters, and I hope it will make them feel like they are a part of the action.

Invention Process

1. Parents divorce

What is it about?

In December 2001, my parents told my brothers and I that they were going to get divorced. They told us that we were going to finish fifth grade in Atlanta, Georgia, then my mom was going to take my brothers and I with her to Tampa, Florida.

So what?

The splitting of my parents was the biggest and worst thing that had and has ever happened to me. I was forced to leave my father, house, friends, and school and move to Florida. I left the easy life and I was thrown into a complete disaster.

2. Grandparent's Deaths

What is it about?

In November 2005, my grandma died of Alzheimer's disease. Then in January 2006, my grandpa died. My grandpa supported my grandma for about eight years with her disease. My grandpa was a healthy man when he passed, and our family believes he died so he could be with grandma once again.

So what?

Looking back on my grandparent's deaths, I realize that my grandpa was the single greatest man I had and probably will ever encounter. He was a great grandpa, husband, and father. Grandpa put his life on hold to help his wife with her disease. My grandpa is my role model, and he taught me many life lessons.

3. Baseball or football?

What is it about?

My freshman year of high school came with a big question, "Should I play baseball or football?" Both sports were a great part of my life, but living in Florida, these sports were year long activities. After days of thinking, I chose baseball as my high school sport.

So What?

Baseball and football was my life. Choosing baseball was a turning point in life because it was a learning experience. This taught me how to make big decisions, and I learned that everything ha s its positives and negatives.